Long time since my last post.. something has compelled me to write down my thoughts. I am in a state of disillusionment at the moment. I thought I was in love, but seems like it was my self created belief. I had long forgotten what it is to get hurt, feel pain in love. It has been almost 6 years since my break-up with ex, who is now happily married. God bless him! I gave up on love long back, since then. I thought something within me died. I was incapable of giving love and receiving it. So, I altogether stopped looking for it. I still don't know what I felt for him was love or was it the want to feel love. Whatever it was, it wasn't love from his side. I know I am a fool to fall for someone, whom I have never met, never seen... can such love exist in our times? I can almost hear my conscience mocking me... "Kya yaar saumya, aisa pyar kitabon mein hota hai yedi." Hmmm..... in books eh? Uffff, I am in a complex state of mind, pyar kaise hota hai? What is love? Will I be in love again? Will love come calling when I least expect it to? On top of it, Feb 14 is approaching...all the mushy songs are making me go bonkers, I wish I could go underground somewhere. Listening to sad songs isn't helping, coz jo shuru hi nahin hua, aur khatm bhi ho gaya, woh pyar kaise ho sakta hai.
I think I have lost my mind... koi please dhoond ke aao. Aur toh suno, in sab ke beech mein, I am on a looooooong break from work. So basically, maine apne aap ko sab taraf se pagal banane ki tayyari kar li hai. Maybe, I should cancel my leave and get back to work. Atleast, kaam ke beech mein rone ka toh mauka nahin milega? Do you think this is feasible? My boss ain't missing me for sure. Ek bhi mail nahin aaya despite the crisis situation.
Now what can I do to stop feeling miserable... somebody (sir) told me love isn't suppose to make you feel miserable. It is supposed to make you feel better.
Arreh cool, toh maybe he is right, what I am feeling isn't love... it is just a passing phase. And hopefully, godwilling, I will emerge stronger. :)
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