Nawaid...

I met Nawaid Anjum in Asian Age. He was with the Features, while I was working with the Newsdesk at that time. He came across a sweet soul. And he is. We never went beyond a hello, for the first eight months. When I was moved to the Features, it is then when I got to know him better.
I still taunt him that he bullied me into taking all the calls and subbing endless NYT's. He always has the same reply, “No, come on, I couldn’t have bullied you, don’t say that.” I laugh it off as usual.
I don’t exactly remember, when we became good friends, confidants (if i can say). We sort of formed a gang (Ruchi, Rajesh, Nawaid, Me) and later of course, Zafar saab, Randy joined the league. We four were harmless souls, often hanging out together, sometimes lazily on the terrace, smoking and cursing the obnoxities being levied on us.
We laughed, consoled and supported each other (all four I mean). Until, I met Nawaid, I didn’t believe that a platonic friendship can be formed. I guess, I met all the wrong guys (lol).
Like I said, we became each other’s strength, holding up if the other fell. We all were there for one another, we didn’t have to shout it out. From helping in subbing, to making pages, from fighting to patching up, we have done it all.
First blow to our gang came when Ruchi left Age. She was to get married in two months. It was sad to let her ago, but we had to come to terms with it. Atleast, there was still Nawaid, Rajesh, Zafar saab, Randy and me left. Then few months later, even Zafar saab quit.. it was a major blow, coz he was like a pillar to all of us. A sensible person, who always guided us. With him gone, only Rajesh, Nawaid and me were left from Features. It wasn’t the same, but we became even closer. Our regular trips to the terrace for a cup of chai+gossip was enough to sustain us. :) But good times don’t last and Rajesh quit too. So now, there was only me, Nawaid and Randy so to speak. But something had changed between me and Nawaid. We were still close friends, colleagues, but this time, he was I guess in between falling in love syndrome. So, we didn’t speak much, shared much. I thought I almost lost a good friend. I guess I told him once and he was shocked. “How can you say such a thing Saumya.” By the way, Zafar saab and Nawaid had coined a new name for me..rather names. “Sumaiya.... and Sumi.” :) It is only them who address me by these names, and it is special.
So I was saying, while Nawaid was in that state, I was beginning to feel lonely.. we thought of leaving Age. We often chatted about it. But now he has eventually moved on. He has left Age and now I am all by myself. Everybody has gone, and I have no one to go up for tea with. (Randy you are still there, but we hardly talk.) It is time to, I guess to move on too. Inshallah..God show me a miracle please. Amen

Anxiety attack

I didn’t know what is an Anxiety Attack, until I experienced it. Ever since, I lost my mother, I turned into someone I didn’t know. I started experiencing pangs of anxiety. I became a worrier, if you ask.
Small, inane things started affecting me... my family too. Constant enquiries about whereabouts, health etc hassled my brother to no end. He’d say, ‘You have lost it’. May be I had, but at that time, it didn’t bother me. Ask me what is living in fear? I have lived every moment of it for almost a year.
I can’t say, I am completely over it, but I am much better today and hope to conquer it altogether.

Time to move on...

Sometimes I wonder why I am not ambitious like others? It has been over three years and I am still in my first job. Am I lazy, or lack ambition...or is it a mix of both, I wonder?

Could it be that I have become accustomed to my job? There are too many questions and I am still trying to find an answer.

My friends mock at me...‘You’re still with Age’, they ask. Now it has started embarrassing me. ‘Yes, I am with Age’, I answer, thinking when will I sound different?

I guess it is a sense of fear of change which is making me stick to the mundane job. Of course, I learn something new every single day, but I should now move on...I have a feeling. I should face my fear... how hard will it be to settle in a new environment? I will have to start from scratch like everyone else. But I must have faith in myself...I can do it.
I am averse to games people play at work, I do indulge in a bit of harmless gossip, but refrain from it, when I realise it is getting a way bit further. I need to have faith in my abilities, like my boss says, ‘be more confident’, I will have to now. It is high time isn’t it.