The Importance of Being Assertive

Up until now, I thought being sensitive was a sign of weakness. I am a sensitive person who does hurt quickly (as compared to others), and often end up making amends too soon. I was chided for being too sensitive at some point by good friends and...at workplace it became my weakness. I realised much later that people believe that if you're a nice person... you're actually stupid. And it doesn't stop them from taking you for a ride, quite easily I must say!

What others may not know I was able to see right through them, and still do. I never acknowledged this to them. Why? I still don't know. But whenever I've tried to, it's resulted in some difficult positions at work which made me anxious and stressed. So, I did my best to focus on my job and not engage in useless banter. Unfortunately, such things don't work in one's favour, but quite against it.  

So, while people expressed their opinions quite openly, I buried them, or expressed them to family, where it wasn't much of help. In this whole process, I was only hurting myself, the only person that mattered in the world. 

I've cut off from many people this way. I don't regret it. But I don't find any reason to have such a person in my life, who doesn't value relationships. I am learning to be assertive again, I believe I was one in my teens. 

Being assertive doesn't mean you're rude. You're putting yourself first and there's nothing wrong with that. Being a good person doesn't mean that you're ready to take on someone's shit. 

I am nice, but this gives no one in the world to take me for granted. If you still do, you'll be the one to miss me. Never make your good nature or politeness an excuse for others to pull you down. I genuinely believe, deep down, everyone has a heart. No one is bad to begin with. But I also know now, how to mind my boundaries!

Don't fear FEAR!

Some days are really strange, for they reveal what's been hiding in the heart. Today, as I logged on to Facebook, two messages greeted me. And interestingly, they both carry the same message. GET OVER YOUR FEAR. The one from Message from God reads: 

there is fear and then there is courage.

When you feel fear, have the courage to acknowledge it and it will begin to lose its power. It is only when you pretend it isn't there, that it grows.

And another one from author Doreen Virtue's page says, "Don't allow fear to win a place in your heart, mind or this world."

It's ironic for fear is what I've been dealing with for the past week or so. Fear or as some say FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real is not to be taken lightly. They say fear targets faint-hearted, I am certainly not a strong hearted person, for horror movies and dark rooms scare me like a small child. 

This fear which engulfed my heart was certainly different, it threatened to alter my being entirely. A firm believer in thinking good and positive thoughts, I struggled with allaying my fears about attracting ill-health.

Unfortunately, a dear friend of mine was recently diagnosed with facial paralysis, even though I've asked her to think positive and chant affirmations, the same could not be said about me. This friend, who's a life of a party and a very strong girl, was left perplexed by this sudden change. Though, she picked herself up and is working on herself, I was left to deal with my fear alone. I couldn't share this with anyone, not with her in the least, for not only it sounds stupid, but some might say selfish. Hmmm.....

I also realised that you can't really choose your fears, they just come as they please. Sad, but true! You can surely ignore the gross feeling (try your logic) but the more you ignore, the more stubborn they get.

Prayers, channeling, helped but not much. I got all the signs that all is well, but you think my EGO would let me pay heed. I had to be smarter than my EGO and calm it, win over it without it even knowing. I'm still trying, haven't conquered it yet, but I can smell victory! 

At a time like this, you can't be too harsh on yourself. Try showing love to yourself. When you realise that fear is fear, and that sometimes, our thoughts can be silly, you eventually see the bigger picture and force yourself to come out of this self-created situation. :D Thank God for small miracles and bigger gift of life. The power of intention and manifestation for things that can make a difference and not get sucked up in your cocoon.

Time to let go?

So, when do you know that it's time to back off and let nature take its course? As healers, it's innate that we continue to send healing so that healing can take place, but when do we know that it's time nature takes over and we should let it? 
Death is the final chapter of our lives and it's not an easy one for sure. Letting go of a loved one is not easy, seeing that person slowly slip away towards light, we want to hold on. It's easier being on the other side, it's easy to console the other that it's natural, part of life, but if it's someone close to us who's in a limbo, our vision gets blurred. 
And then the bargaining starts. "Please God, save my loved one, I would never ask you for anything again". "He's been good all his life, he doesn't deserve to die like this", etc... 
It's this dilemma I am facing currently, losing a close relative, who's genuinely a nice human being. It's painful to see he's unable to move on, because his loved ones don't want him to go. Praying for him to stay, hoping for a miracle, wishing this wasn't a reality at all. Sadly, it is. 
When the question of free will arises, how do prayers work? What happens when God on one hand is innundated with prayers for a loved to be saved, while the soul of the person (who's unwell) is hanging on to his loved ones, wondering what will happen to them once he's gone? Who does God listen to? Is the soul praying to be saved or is eager to be home with the Light? What happens when healing is being sent to the individual, does he accept it and get better? Or does he plead that he wants to be free? How do we know, how do we communicate and understand what to make of this situation? Death is the ultimate reality, when we're back Home. 
Are we all afraid to let go? Are we scared or worried about ourselves when our loved one passes on? Or have we forgotten that soul lives on, only this body turns into ash. Is it this maya which binds us to earth while we have forgotten how it is to soak in the radiance of Light. Where everything is same, everyone has to come back to the source from where it got life. 
We need to accept this truth and believe that the final call isn't ours. Who calls the final shot, I don't know, but all I can say is that we should humbly accept whatever comes our way. Probably, telling the soul of the person who's unwell, to decide if it wants to stay on or go. There will be no hard feelings at all!

Aurat

कुछ बातें ऐसी होती हैं जिन्हें बोलने से बहुत कुछ बदल सकता है। लेकिन जज़बात को अगर न कहा जाये, तोह फिर बहुत कुछ बदल सकता है अपने अन्दर।
क्यूँ हम अपने बचपन को इतनी जल्दी बिताना  चाहते हैं, जब की जवान होने की चाह में बचपन भी एक कठोर  एहसास बनकर रह जाता है। क्यूँ किसी के दिल को ठेस न पहुचे, हम अपने आप को ठेस पहुचाने में झिझकते नहीं? क्यूँ हम अपने आप को दुसरे नंबर पर रखते हैं, और बाकी सबसे पहले होते हैं? अगर मै एक औरत हूँ तोह क्या मै अपने बारें में सबसे आखिर में सोचु? क्या एक बेटी, बहिन, माशुका, बीवी  और माँ से बढकर मैं कुछ और नहीं हूँ? क्यूँ मैं समाज के अनुसआर अपनी जिवंशाला बिताऊँ? क्यूँ नहीं मैं जी सकती जैसे मैं चाहती हूँ? यह सवाल सिर्फ मेरा नहीं, पर उन सबका है जो चिल्ला चिल्ला के अपना अस्तित्व जाताना चाहते हैं। मुझे जीने दो। मुझपर रहम करो।
हर बार एक लाञ्चन लगा दिया जाता है क्यूंक मैं एक औरत हूँ। मुझे कुछ कहने का हक नहीं है। सब कुछ मेरी ज़िम्मेदारी है। नहीं, बस और नहीं। हर चीज़ की एक सीमा होती है, और आज समाज ने वोह लांघ ली है। अपने  हक के लिए आज हर औरत लड़ना जानती है, और उससे किसी का दर नहीं। न समाज का, न परिवार का, किसी का भी नहीं।

When friends turn into strangers

Why does it hurt more when your closest friends become strangers. Is it because change is inevitable? And one cannot control it, or is it because you refuse to see your friends any other way. 
I've grown from the pig tail girl I was in school, who loved to yap and was fairly carefree in life. Yet, I think I am carrying that small girl within my heart, who refuses to change her stance on friends--best friends mind you. It hurts like hell, when the other person in this friendship has no clue whatsoever. Who admonishes you at the slightest change in what is termed as a socially unacceptable behaviour...who doesn't see the hurt in your eyes, but says 'you're over reacting'. How does one behave then when the small girl refuses to grow up and adhere to rules of the world. How do you explain to her that it's not okay to keep hurting and expecting your best friend to understand. How do you tell her to not feel bad if you're not the one person your once closest friend turns to when she needs an ear. 
For many years, I've played the role of a good friend who was always there for her friend. Those few hours of solitude, just being lost in the old world when big things didn't matter and life was enjoyed best with few bucks collected at the last minute searching inside school bags for some loose change. 
Yes, it's been that long now when simple things don't make a difference and what counts is if you're the drinking type who would like to enjoy a small gathering of unknown people, with whom you should be able to get along. 
How do you remain calm and nonchalant when the old friend calls out of the blue and wants to catch up. Do you fight back saying am I worth meeting in 6 months time? Or you feign ignorance and say you would call back. Does the other person not understand the change in tone, the lack of warmth and excitement of 'Hello'. Have we become too  busy to notice such subtle changes or it's not perceived as deception until you shout it out and create the drama. 
Is it okay to lose friends who're not what they used to be? Is it okay to say, 'I need a break' to close friends who are caught up in their own melodrama and couldn't care less because according to them you're the one with emotional issues. 
What do you do then? Wait for the time to pass and emotions to fade, so it hurts less and one day you forget the very reason why things changed with your closest friend...

Guardian Angels...

I am sure everyone has heard of them... I am taking it for granted that we all know that we all have two guardian angels.
Angels, I knew about them, but never really knew what they did. It was by chance, I discovered an amazing book called Healing With The Angels by Doreen Virtue at a near by bookstore near my office last August. I picked up the book on impulse, the title captivated me. Angels huh!, they exist, but they also help us heal, I guess I should know about it.
I started reading the book and discovered the ways they help us heal, help us whenever we need them, and are always around us. They are God's messengers, helpers who are with us to guide us, heed us, protect us and deliver our message to God. It was much later before I asked for signs from them. I was wondering if they'd come when I'd call them, are they truly with me, watching over, protecting me? I was not sure.
But I never let go of the belief that they are there. It was in October 2008, when I first got a sign from them. I had just broken up and was very low. Wasn't my usual self, but at the same time, couldn't share the pain with friends. The book says that when angels communicate with us, you may hear a voice telling you to go to a certain place, or do something.
I was at office that night, when I heard a voice asking me to head towards Cafe Coffee Day and go to the bookstore, (where I picked up this book from.) On impulse, I took my wallet and went towards the store not knowing what am I supposed to do there.
Then I thought, maybe the angels want me to pick up a book. I looked around, waiting for a sign... finding nothing, I prepared to leave, when I heard the voice again asking me to "wait".
Stranded, feeling lost, I stood there, until I heard the song "You're Beautiful.... " by James Blunt. I had tears in my eyes...... Oh God, the angels were trying to say something to me, cheer me up. I was happy, touched and dumbfounded at the same time.
They spoke to me, this was our first interaction and they brought a smile on my face!
It was magical. It still is.... my angels, all of them have helped me get over that phase. I am so thankful to God, universe, Doreen Virtue for introducing me to angels. My life has taken a 360° turn and I am so glad it did.
I wish all of you form a relation with your angels too, and may they bring smiles to your faces too. God bless!

Bye bye love...

Not long ago, a young girl who believed in love, was left heart broken. Deeply shattered, she picked up pieces of her life, and moved on. Six years later, when she thought she had moved away from her past, she happen to meet a handsome young man, and they seemed to like each other from first glance. They became friends, and eventually fell in love. She thanked God everyday for gift of love.
She started dreaming again, started feeling happy, she even laughed out aloud now, after all she was in love and she had nothing else to lose. Even though they didn’t meet so often because of their busy schedules, she didn’t mind. They knew they were there for each other, they promised to share their lives together. Small fights soon became a norm, she asked him to see her, he relented saying, “I have no time.” She cried, he pacified, but things never soured between them. Until one day, when she fought, and he never came back. He said, he stopped loving her. What? How? She was shocked, “Stopped loving, what do you mean?” He said, “Time is not with me, everything is going wrong, I don’t think we have a future together, I can’t let my folks down.”
They both knew from the beginning that they were DIFFERENT. Though humans, they came from two different faiths. “But love conquers all,” she believed. She had faith in God, He wouldn’t let her fall again. Alas, religion came in between, and her love was sacrificed at the altar. The young girl cried herself to sleep, asking angels to shield her from the world. God is silent, he didn’t reply to her questions. The young man is cold to her now.

She fell in love, and he fell out of it. She doesn’t know what life has in store for her.

She has decided never to fall in love again....