Bye bye love...

Not long ago, a young girl who believed in love, was left heart broken. Deeply shattered, she picked up pieces of her life, and moved on. Six years later, when she thought she had moved away from her past, she happen to meet a handsome young man, and they seemed to like each other from first glance. They became friends, and eventually fell in love. She thanked God everyday for gift of love.
She started dreaming again, started feeling happy, she even laughed out aloud now, after all she was in love and she had nothing else to lose. Even though they didn’t meet so often because of their busy schedules, she didn’t mind. They knew they were there for each other, they promised to share their lives together. Small fights soon became a norm, she asked him to see her, he relented saying, “I have no time.” She cried, he pacified, but things never soured between them. Until one day, when she fought, and he never came back. He said, he stopped loving her. What? How? She was shocked, “Stopped loving, what do you mean?” He said, “Time is not with me, everything is going wrong, I don’t think we have a future together, I can’t let my folks down.”
They both knew from the beginning that they were DIFFERENT. Though humans, they came from two different faiths. “But love conquers all,” she believed. She had faith in God, He wouldn’t let her fall again. Alas, religion came in between, and her love was sacrificed at the altar. The young girl cried herself to sleep, asking angels to shield her from the world. God is silent, he didn’t reply to her questions. The young man is cold to her now.

She fell in love, and he fell out of it. She doesn’t know what life has in store for her.

She has decided never to fall in love again....

Holy Father

Why am I here? Who is governing my life? Is there somebody out there who is aware of the changes I am bringing about in my life? Does the power to bring about a change, whether good or bad rests with me or is it premeditated by someone else in the higher sphere. Some say, that it is only us who can change the course of our life. If it is so, then why do we depend on a higher force? If you do good, you get benefits, if you do bad, you suffer right here on earth. We make our own heaven and hell. But we also turn to Him, when we are stuck. Atleast I do.
Of late, I have been having one-sided conversations with Him. He has become silent of late. I wonder is it because I don't let Him speak, or has He become tired of listening to me. Father, as I address Him, is really the most kindest being. I vaguely recall His calm demeanour. He has the most softest, calming face with the whitest, silvery beard. He is ever smiling at my antics, He is not judgemental at all. When I fight with Him, or share my feelings with Him, I see He just looks at me with amazement. When I need answers, sometimes, all of a sudden, I hear a voice that comes from my heart. Or at times, when i cry, I can sense somebody consoling me. Do I sound crazy? I hope not. I do believe there are angels who protect and look over us.
At the moment, I am undergoing an emotional turmoil of sorts. I asked the universe to send me something, and it did send that thing, but the confusion is whether it will be mine forever. Too much emotional stress and confusion makes me restless. I am relying on Father to come to my rescue. Please do... like you always have. Take care of me and make me a stronger person.
Sometimes, I feel my mission is to find true love. I don't know for sure if I will find it, but again, I read somewhere "Ask and you shall receive". (i am not sure if i read this in the Bible). Let's hope my search ends soon and I move on to something else in life. :)
Cheers!!

When you think it is love....but it isn't..

Long time since my last post.. something has compelled me to write down my thoughts. I am in a state of disillusionment at the moment. I thought I was in love, but seems like it was my self created belief. I had long forgotten what it is to get hurt, feel pain in love. It has been almost 6 years since my break-up with ex, who is now happily married. God bless him! I gave up on love long back, since then. I thought something within me died. I was incapable of giving love and receiving it. So, I altogether stopped looking for it. I still don't know what I felt for him was love or was it the want to feel love. Whatever it was, it wasn't love from his side. I know I am a fool to fall for someone, whom I have never met, never seen... can such love exist in our times? I can almost hear my conscience mocking me... "Kya yaar saumya, aisa pyar kitabon mein hota hai yedi." Hmmm..... in books eh? Uffff, I am in a complex state of mind, pyar kaise hota hai? What is love? Will I be in love again? Will love come calling when I least expect it to? On top of it, Feb 14 is approaching...all the mushy songs are making me go bonkers, I wish I could go underground somewhere. Listening to sad songs isn't helping, coz jo shuru hi nahin hua, aur khatm bhi ho gaya, woh pyar kaise ho sakta hai.
I think I have lost my mind... koi please dhoond ke aao. Aur toh suno, in sab ke beech mein, I am on a looooooong break from work. So basically, maine apne aap ko sab taraf se pagal banane ki tayyari kar li hai. Maybe, I should cancel my leave and get back to work. Atleast, kaam ke beech mein rone ka toh mauka nahin milega? Do you think this is feasible? My boss ain't missing me for sure. Ek bhi mail nahin aaya despite the crisis situation.
Now what can I do to stop feeling miserable... somebody (sir) told me love isn't suppose to make you feel miserable. It is supposed to make you feel better.
Arreh cool, toh maybe he is right, what I am feeling isn't love... it is just a passing phase. And hopefully, godwilling, I will emerge stronger. :)